Spice up your sex life. No tools required.

spice up your sex life

Spice up your sex life with a plastic Willy! Seriously?

Willy shot glasses. Willy head boppers. Yes, you heard me right. You put a hairband on your head and it’s got penises on a jumpy coil that looks like antennae of a funny bee. This is the version of sexual variety sold to brides-to-be by sex toy stores. Plastic genitalia to drink from and wear on your body. I cannot escape the thought that this is how the Western culture approaches the topic of “spicing up your sex life” in general. Bored in the bedroom? Just buy those fluffy handcuffs and get it over with. Just make sure you don’t lose the key!

But it’s never that simple. The key to a happy and exciting sex life does not necessarily have a form of a new sonic vibrator (although I’m curious to try one even if it reminds me of a sonic toothbrush and I’m kind of undecided if that’s exciting or not).

I’ve read this incredibly thoughtful article today from a former adult store. Years of working in retail have left her with an uneasy conclusion that people are spending money on fancy accessories as way not to deal with the underlying problems in their relationships. They think getting free advice from a dedicated shop assistant can replace months of self-exploration with a therapist or sex coach.

Don’t get me wrong. I LOVE sex toys. I have a whole shelf of them and want to try everything. But these are only tools. They can help you discover your orgasmic potential or make up for what your partner is unable or unwilling to do at the time.

But you could as well have an exciting sex life without having ever used a vibrator. You could have an exciting sex life sleeping with the same one person in the same position throughout your whole life. Whatever works for you, for your partner and for you as a couple.

“Whatever love you can get and give. Whatever happiness you can provide. Every temporary measure of grace. Whatever works” says a Woody Allen character. Have you seen the film? It’s good.

So how do you know if you need to try something new in bed?

When the thought appears in your head, push that mental brake and stop for a moment. Ask yourself “where did that thought come from”? Did I just read an article which told me my sex life needed a makeover even though the author never met me? Or maybe I saw an ad or read about a celebrity praising the new yoni eggs in order to sell her own brand? Advertising works in subtle ways. By the time you realize you are buying that particular cologne because of that funny commercial with a guy on a horse and you’re getting that perfume because your favourite actress is on the billboard. Be aware of the things that influence you.

Make sure you’re trying something new because you’re genuinely curious and not because your partner wants to or you imagine he or she wants to but you’ve never even asked. Ask. And tell if the idea doesn’t appeal to you. It’s only respectful to be honest with your lover, right?
Remember you can go small and go slow. You don’t need to set up a pain & pleasure dungeon in your closet or put the whole anal plug in. Many sexual activities need time and patience to bring you satisfaction. Go as slowly or quickly as you need to, breathe and enjoy.

Join the conversation

These are just some of the ideas for a more conscious and happy sex life. Want to know more? See the recording on how to spice up your sex life in my Facebook Live show “With Love… About Sex”. What we discussed:

  • how to find out what really excites you
  • how to talk about it with your partner
  • small things you can try this week to spice up your sex life.

Interested but need more guidance and individualized tips how to try something new in bed and discuss it with your partner? Sign up for my free discovery call and see if sex coaching can help.


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